Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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