Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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