Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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