Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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