Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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