Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
