I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
