I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
