it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
