So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
