dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
