So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
