My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
