today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
COCAINE IS GR8
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
