Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
