I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
