He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
