I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
