the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
