yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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