Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
