hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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