I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
