I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
