I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
