I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
