Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
