can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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