I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
