Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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