Say something about gay babies.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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