and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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