I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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