Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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