3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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