dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
