I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
