Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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