well you can't waste a boner
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
