Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
