Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
