Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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