Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
