Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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