Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
