By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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