i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
