Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
