Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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