I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
