i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
